Tag Archives: funny story

“Haunted Asylum” By Chad Robert Parker

My first year in college I went to a haunted house that was closed down the next year for questions of safety. You see it was held on the grounds of the mental hospital and some of the patients were involved in participating as ghouls, ghosts, and spooks of all kinds. I remember it being much like any other haunted house where they were not allowed to actually touch you, but I also remember feeling some concern that the one with the chainsaw (even without it having a chain on) might be mentally ill rather than a staff member.

I was a freshman and my roommates were all upperclassmen. Good thing we brought a few girls to scream and hide or the attention of these masqueraders would have surely been directed on me. As it was I rather enjoyed watching the girls run from these certifiably insane people. I’m not sure what the political correct term is when you are being chased like that. My friend chose to yell, “get these crazies away from me,” which only seemed to increase their fervor. I wouldn’t say it was a traumatic event, but the event achieved its motive of terrifying the crowd. I wondered how many other instances like this occurred. I’m sure I wasn’t the only one. Your mind runs wild when you think of what frightening behavior people might be capable of.

Like I said, they closed the draw down the next year. Yeah, I for one was disappointed I couldn’t go again. I heard they might open it up, again.

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“Grocery Getter” by Chad Robert Parker

One morning I woke up to find my car was missing. It appeared that the culprit had to be a Mountain Dew drinker as the only thing that remained in my parking spot was a crushed green can and a mess of soda spray. Honestly, I didn’t know what to do. I thought about knocking on all my neighbor’s doors at 7am that morning to see if anyone had seen anything. I remembered one of my neighbors could very well be carrying a vendetta if he suspected me at all of making the phone call to the cops regarding his raucous domestic dispute with his wife. He had splattered a Mountain Dew slushy against my door that night, after all. Just about the moment I decided I better call 911, I realized where my car was.

I often had walked those few blocks to the grocery store and back, if I had just a couple items to grab. Only it was raining the night before and now I suddenly remembered I drove to the grocery store on this occasion. Yes, that’s right, I walked back without my car and didn’t even remember it until I was in panic mode the next morning. I was only slightly late to work. My boss let me off with a good laugh over the excuse.

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