Category Archives: Embarrassing Moment(s)

“Would you like some pee with that?” by Alison (Richland, WA)

January 16, 2015Embarrassing Moment(s)Chad Robert Parker

My disclaimer is that I was young: in first grade I think. It was my turn to help serve food in the cafeteria so I was stationed on a stool with a serving spoon behind the food and the plastic barriers. I was a serious child in some ways and didn’t want to neglect my duty so when I felt the urge to find the bathroom but I knew another class was due in the lunchroom any moment, I stayed. I stayed until the bitter end when the bathroom was then only necessary for hiding instead of using the facilities. I don’t remember anyone mentioning it to me though, except the sweet lunch lady who told me that next time I should just take care of business promptly. Many years later, after I was married, my older sister told me she heard my embarrassing moment from the mouth of the lunch lady herself. Apparently I left a lasting impression.

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“Grandpa Days” by Frederic (Clarksville, IN)

January 16, 2015Embarrassing Moment(s)Chad Robert Parker

On “Grandpa Days” I have several children to visit with. One day I told the group that it was Emilia’s (4) turn to offer the prayer on the food. Eli (3) prefers to do it himself since he can finish within 15 seconds and begin eating before the others have their eyes open. Emilia asked blessings on everyone – all her cousins and her relatives stateside and in Mexico – by name – her departed great-great grandmother Emilia “who died and is in Heaven with You and with Jesus, and who has my name . . .”

I believe she may have even asked a blessing on the food, though I was into her genealogical resume to such an extent that I really don’t remember for sure.

As we drove Emilia and her little brother Levi home, Emilia began asking questions in Spanish: “Grandpa, why is it that sometimes you don’t understand me when I speak to you in Spanish, and sometimes you don’t understand me when I speak to you in English either?
Not wanting to admit that my vocabulary doesn’t necessarily include all her vocabulary, I responded, “Because my ears are so old.”
“Is your nose old too?”
“Yes.”
“Are your eyes old too?”
“Yes, that is why I wear glasses. All my parts are old.” (I was laughing so hard under my breath that it was hard to respond.)
“I know some other people that are old: My Grandma Celia is old, and My Grandpa Rojelio is old, and my Great Grandma Crecencia is old and my Great Great Grandma Emilia who died and is in heaven with Heavenly Father and Jesus, and who has my same name is old, and your mother and father that died are old. But my silly Uncle Rojelio is not old like you . . .”
I was now laughing so hard it was difficult to translate all this to English for my wife Patti, who was driving.I have Emilia pegged as the next genealogist for the Fred and Pat Romney clan.

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“Potty Language” by Crystal (Bountiful, Utah)

January 12, 2015Embarrassing Moment(s)Chad Robert Parker

Many years ago I served a mission for my church in South Korea. I had to slowly and painstakingly learn Korean to the best I could to best help serve the people there. Before the big voyage overseas I went to a training center for 12 weeks to try to learn the what I could in that time and then I was off; which basically means I could say some broken things such as “May I use the bathroom?” or “Heavenly Father loves you.” You get the point.

Well it was with this vast knowledge that I had that I ventured out into the world of Korea. I had a sweet Korean companion and within the first few weeks of being there we had been invited over to eat dinner with a nice family. They lived in a relatively small apartment with two bedrooms and one common area with a kitchen. It happened that in my time being there I was able to use one of those handy dandy aforementioned phrases and off to the bathroom I went. The wife followed me close behind and to my surprise introduced me to my first bidet. The thing is before this very moment I had never once seen or heard of such a thing. I remember thinking, “Wow, what a fancy, technical toilet,” as it was electronic. She proceeds to point to the different buttons and tell me what they are…Now I can say things, but understanding anything was pretty foreign at that point. I assumed she was showing me how to flush this fancy contraption. Well, I finish my business, get everything readjusted, and press the button. To my shock, a little nob emerges from the back of the toilet and starts squirting water, quite forcibly, all over the bathroom door. The door that is right next to where everyone is sitting! I was too stunned to do anything but watch it happen..and partly disgusted too..I didn’t know what that was, I mean I had a good guess at that point. And I most definitely didn’t know how I would explain myself. I grabbed a towel, which was minuscule, and cleaned it all up the best that I could. Luckily, they all kind of figured out what happened and accepted my apology, which I was able to say.

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“That’s Not A Tree!” by Ray (Spanish Fork, Utah)

January 12, 2015Embarrassing Moment(s)Chad Robert Parker

When we moved to Indiana we were renting while our home was being built. We would often visit the construction site. We did not have a bathroom there yet, so being a good dad I taught my boys to relieve themselves as needed, behind trees. The only problem was when my youngest boy peed on the back of the baseball field’s backstop in front of the whole crowd during a live game. Yup, right in front of most of the new small town we were just barely getting acquainted with. I swiftly ran down, pulled his pants up, and then promptly brought him back to the stands, explaining, “hasn’t anyone taught you where the bathroom is?” I handed him to his mother stating very clearly, “hey woman, here’s your kid.” And then, to uproarious laughter, I walked to the other end of the bleachers.

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“Fast Getaway” by Robyn (Spanish Fork, Utah)

January 12, 2015Embarrassing Moment(s)Chad Robert Parker

One day, while gassing the automobile at the local gas station, my most embarrassing moment occurred. Note the description local, which makes this moment even more embarrassing. At the time we lived in a small town of maybe 8,000; and that would be counting the farmers. Everyone knows everyone and everything that goes on. Added to the fact that my youngest, which was almost the age to get his driver’s license was with me. Yes, I dd. I drove away with the gas hose still attached to my gas tank. WHOOPS! My son noticed immediately, or I would have ended up home with it. The owner wouldn’t allow me to pay for reconnecting and tried to make me feel better by saying that it happens all the time. NOT TO ME!!!

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“Quality Check” by Ray (Spanish Fork, Utah)

January 12, 2015Embarrassing Moment(s)Chad Robert Parker

I once worked in a manufacturing plant which was to be awarded a prestigious “Quality” award by a major company to which we supplied product. The presentation, by two company vice presidents from this “Fortune 500 Company”, was to happen in a section of our plants warehouse and was to include the plant management and manufacturing employees. To make it seem more like a meeting room and not like a warehouse we cleared the product out of an area and put up a huge banner on the wall with both companies logos and names along with the name of the “Quality Award”. We brought in a rostrum complete with a microphone, and speakers, and chairs for the employees to sit on.

The banner arrived about an hour before the visiting companies dignitaries and was quickly hung on the wall. Standing back to admire our work we suddenly noticed to our amazement the supplier of the 15 foot by 30 foot banner had mispelled quality. The whole purpose of the meeting was about our excellent quality and it apeared we couldn’t even spell it. Luckily the supplier of the banner was still in the building and able to pull off the “ila” and reposition it to read “ali”.

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“No Repeat Customer” by Crystal (Bountiful, Utah)

January 12, 2015Embarrassing Moment(s)Chad Robert Parker

During high school, I worked at a small family owned dry cleaner. Most everyone who worked the counter were female high school students and being such we were called the “counter girls.” The counter girls dealt with customers, checked in the cloths, and ran the tills. Like most dry cleaners, they had a drive up with a sliding glass door and there were usually at least two working at a time. So if there was more than one person at the drive up we could go out to help the next car while the first was also being helped. We also keep the sliding glass door shut as much as possible.

Well this one afternoon a gentleman pulled up to the sliding door and he got out and came inside to be helped. But being that there had also been other customers my fellow counter girl had been in and out and had shut it behind her the last time she had come in. The poor, unsuspecting man turned to leave and full on walked in the glass door and I swear to you that that door bulged out a bit he hit it so hard. We could not contain ourselves. We were laughing so hard and could barely muster an “Are you okay?” Not only that, but he also had left like a 5 inch face grease mark on the door! The girl that I was working with and I decided to leave the smudge there to see how long it would take for someone to notice and wipe it off. Unfortunately I think the routine glass cleaning got to it before it lasted too long. But needless to say, we no longer saw him again, but we often would see his wife.

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“Orientation” by anecdoting.com

January 5, 2015Embarrassing Moment(s)Chad Robert Parker

Editor’s Example:

With great anticipation and lots of nerves, students from a few grade schools combined to see the layout of new stomping grounds: the much larger Metcalf Junior High in Burnsville, Minnesota. But the talk of the day centered on learning how to use combination lockers.

Naturally, not-so-mature middle schoolers were testing if they could fit inside; smartly they would puff up like a blowfish and act like there was no way possible: the biggest fear of the skinny “diary of a wimpy kid” type being that a bully might stuff you in a locker at some point in the year. I should have used that tactic. Continue reading “Orientation” by anecdoting.com →

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“Sleep-talking” by Zach (Saratoga Springs, Utah)

January 5, 2015Embarrassing Moment(s), Newlyweds, Sleep TalkingChad Robert Parker

Early in our marriage, my wife and I discovered that we were both sleep-talkers. One night I awoke to a strange noise that I couldn’t quite figure out. It was a consistent, flat hum. The kind a kid makes when they are pretending to be a race car. As I became more conscience, I realized that the sound was coming from my wife.“Baby,” I said, “what are you doing?” “I’m on a mint green moped.” she replied. Although she spoke very clearly, I could tell she was not awake. The hum, which I now recognized as her mimicking the sound of an engine, continued. Flat, consistent, unchanging. “Baby,” I asked again, “what are you doing on a moped?”

“I’m in a race!” (More flat humming)

“Well, are you winning?”

“No! They’re getting away,” (Flat hum)

“Try shifting gears!”

At this suggestion, she immediately changed the hum, as though she finally found second gear, then third, then fourth. At some point she must have crossed the finish line because the humming faded away, and I faded back into sleep. The next morning, she remembered the entire race, but not a word of the conversation.

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